Traveling Alone (for a while)

I have come to realize that walking a spiritual path, opening up yourself to your magic and intuition, means that you have to walk alone (for a little while anyway). As I begin to look inward and attempt to transform myself- I realize that the person I am on the inside, is not the person that I show the world.

The person who the world "has" seen is really not who I am. The challenge is realizing that past friendships, acquaintances and business associates may no longer blend with my energy. The "universe" being the magical place that it is- has shown me in very specific ways- what is and what is not for my highest good.

It seems to me, that (almost) everyone around me has long their ever-loving minds! People are acting strange.........I see a lot of aggression, self pity, neediness and to be honest, selfishness. Was that always there? Or am I only noticing it now? Or did I always know and just did not want to admit it?

There seems to be a big "us against them" sort of energy prevalent these days. I think for the most part, people are afraid. They are afraid of losing control, so out of this fear- they huddle together- finding safety in numbers. Feeling that if they are banded together against a common foe- they have power. What they do not realize, is that- with this kind of energetic dynamic- they will begin to turn on each other. They become paranoid and suspicious. It is quite sad and a bit "nutty".

Observing this, prompts me to look at my own spirit. Do I feel that it is me against the world? Am I suspicious and UN-trusting? You bet your patootie I am! Am I selfish? Do I want people to feel sorry for me? Do I want someone to help me? Darn Tootin' I do! Am I acting a bit "nutty" myself? Do I see myself as a victim? Am I angry? yep, yep and yep.

Yet, there is another part of me that no longer wants to engage in this energy. I do not want to put out- and therefore attract this energy into my life. I know that if I shift my energy and rise above the emotions that I no longer wish to be dominant in my life........then, what shows up in my life will change. If I stop being needy and wanting people to feel sorry for me- then the people who are running that energetic dynamic will no longer be in my life. If I transmute my anger, selfishness and self pity- I will not need those mirrors any longer.

The downfall is that, at least for a little while- I might be alone. I know that many of the behaviors I engage in are unhealthy, but if I do not behave that way- I have nothing in common with most people around me. I do not want to be isolated and alone. But, if I want to make real personal and spiritual leaps- I realize that I must make some sacrifices.

I want to attract powerful, spiritual, kind, honest, healthy people into my life. In order for that to happen- I MUST hold those energies with myself. I cannot run around gossiping, exaggerating, manipulating, being angry and acting like a child and expect healthy, spiritual beings to be attracted to me.

Time to grow up! I need to be a big girl. With this decision comes consequences. Perhaps I will be without companionship for a little while. Perhaps the energy of those around me, will change as I change. Maybe fabulous new friends, acquaintances, business associates will not be far off? Whatever it is, it is........ for now, I must sail out and see what magical adventure awaits.